more questions

so this is my question of the week:

did Christ really experience full solidarity with us in the incarnation if He never experienced guilt? He can be in solidarity with us in other kinds of suffering because He experienced such things but what about sufferings brought on by our own sins? is He present with us in that kind of suffering?

my answer to my own question:
maybe, while He himself did not suffer from self inflicted guilt, on the cross, as He bore the complete burden of humanity's sin and was abandoned by the Father because of it, he experienced a form of guilt. true, it was not his own guilt but maybe because He was bearing our sin and its consequences he felt something of what we feel. still i wonder if He could feel guilt to its fullest extent.

and:
in light of a recent tragedy i have been wondering if Christ can be in complete solidarity with us in grieving death. part of why death is so disturbing to us is because we cannot understand it...it remains very uncertain and unknown. we have faith that something better comes after our earthly life but we cant be certain what that is. did Christ experience this kind of suffering? does He know what it feels like to feel at such a loss regarding death? im not sure that He could because death was not unknown to Him...He fully understood what happens after death so He could not be as burdened by it as we are.

what do you all think about this stuff? where is God in the middle of stuff like this? can he be present in such circumstances with us if He has never experienced those kinds of things? or has He?

coming soon:

ill post some more pictures hopefully tomorrow and i have a good idea for my next blog that i want to post and get y'alls thoughts on. im hoping ill have time to journal about it tonight and post it tomorrow. have any of you read the book compassion by henri nowen and some other guys? its AMAZING! its not very long...im telling you...if you have time read it. ok...gotta get home! talk to you soon :)

with the HIV/AIDS orphans

Maris and todd...both of them are great...deep thinkers and challenge me a LOT; ashley...love this girl, shes amazing...very smart and believes in doing rather than just speaking; erin...always has a smile on her face and has such a sweet spirit; kyle...this guy is gonna be a great youth pastor...such a passion for the things of God

so Jack and Ema are staying with us again...Ema was supposed to start school this year so im not sure what happened. anyway...they love to have their pictures taken. jack is my little buddy...everyday when i come home from school he wants me to carry him around. he comes and sits on my lap while i do homework. i love it!

derek washington

yesterday i met a man named derek washinton. he was invited by our missions professor to speak to our class about the ministry he is involved in. he works for an organization called barnabas international that provides care for missionaries in the field. employees fly around the world to provide couseling and pastoral care to missionary families who have undergone severe crises while in the field or to families that are floundering and on the edge of falling apart due to the difficulties of missionary life. they also try to stop fires before they start by educating missionaries on how to deal with the stresses they encounter. their ministry is crucial because the strains of missionary life often take disastrous tolls on marriages and on the family unit as well as on people individually.

for those of you who go to crossroads and have been to arkansas you will know brother pauls friend allan childress...well derek reminded me of him. a very simple man but with an incredible insight into the heart of God who uses his music, simple songs, to commune with God and to give others a glimpse into His heart. for some reason when he was talking i was reminded of my passion for missions work. recently ive been doubting and questioning everything...questioning Christianity and my faith and God...so needless to say, all that made me question my calling and my 'heart' for missions. ive been wondering if maybe thats not what im supposed to pursue. but when derek was talking, something in me was revived and the burdern on my heart for missions was restored. he doesnt have a doctorate or a masters in divinity but his theology had more of an impact on me than any logical, historical/critical model of theology has. after class a few of us invited him to the canteen on campus to have smoothies. as we talked he said something about falling in love with God. i laughed and said "what does that MEAN!!!!!" and he said "let me play a song for you". like i said...just a simple song that he wrote (called the maker and the clay) but it captured the meaning of that phrase perfectly. this song made more sense to me than anything ive heard in a long time. this was the first time in about a year or more that anything related to God or Christianity has brought me to tears

Maker with His hands in clay
clay upon the wheel
maker breathing love inside
clay becoming real

love was flowing into clay
understanding too
a will to choose, a heart to lose
Maker gave His heart away

Chorus:
His gift of lovve was in his eyes
there's nothing He would not sacrifice
there was nothing He would not give
so that His love might live
nothing in this world would He withhold

freedom flowing into clay
the freedom now to choose
as Maker woos the clay He made
how will His lover choose?

life was flowing into clay
desire flowing too
but lovers played and choices made
broke Maker's heart in two

in the midst of Maker's sorrow
leaving all His pride behind
He took Him the feet of clay
His lover He would find

so taking on love's mantle
He washed her feet of clay
laying down His life for her
He gave His life away

clay's heart was melting
she saw what He had done
Maker had died for her
though now her heart He'd won

how could she tell Him
now her heart He'd saved
how could she know that he would
rise up from the grave

Maker with His heat in clay
clay was now made new
the price he paid, her heart to save
His love for her He proved

taking joy in Maker's love
now His pleasure her desire
clay's virtue found, he sond would sound
he passion now a fire

His gift of love was in her eyes
there is nothing she would not sacrifice
there's nothing she would not give
so that His love might live
nothing in this world would she withhold


I've been praying...i would like to say fervently but its really been more like weak and half hearted...that God would show up. that He would not let all this questioning be in vain. that i would find Him somewhere. and i would like to believe that He did yesterday. it gave me a reason to continue seeking Him. derek gave us a cd with his music and a cd that he hasnt totally finished yet...he just records it and then gives it away for free to be a blessing to others. its mostly meant for missionaries as an encouragement...but since ive always had a passion for missions and will probly end up working as one in not too many years and so kind of lump myself into that catagory, the words of his songs spoke powerfully to me. he also video taped each of us...he asked us to introduce ourselves and tell about our majors and our plans for the future what we would like him and his family to pray for. he takes his video camera everywhere and then shows the videos to his family when he goes back home. i was really blunt and just said that ive always felt called to be a missionary but have been questioning that recently because right now i dont know who God is, where He is, what He sounds like, how He speaks or how to find him....but i believe that God is to be found when we seek Him and that this season in my life will serve to strengthen my faith whenever i finally come out of it...please pray. i could see on his face that it pained him to hear how frustrated and empty i felt. for some reason that in itself was some encouragement. i would like to believe that him happening to come from wisconson to uganda for a conference and happening to meet my professor and happening to come speak to our class was not just coincidence...that in some way it was God answering my prayers. i would like to believe that it was God speaking to me yesterday. i want to...and will...call it a blessing. there was so much more that i experienced yesterday but this is long enough already. i just thought id include this in a blog since i havent been writing much lately...ive just felt so empty and apathetic lately that i havent had anything to write...so since this stirred something in me i thought id write it. i cant even explain how encouraging all that was. thanks God :)

me, nicole, brittany and ashley at sipi falls. we stayed at this camp there and hiked to the waterfall.

my host sister pounding peanuts to make ground nut sauce and me pounding coffee

we ate lots of rice at my rural homestay so my job was pick all of the rocks out of the dry rice before we boiled it. and the other pictures are coffee... it grows wild in kapchorwa...most of the people there live on banana and coffee farms. mama joy and i picked coffee, roasted and pounded it and had fresh coffee that afternoon. and they sent some home with me...its really good!

the old lady and the children sitting on the ground are more neighbors that came to visit me. the young man is employed by patrick and joy to care for their livestock. he and his daughter were precious... she loved her to follow her dad around during the day as he worked

The view was beautiful. of course pictures don't do it justice. standing on the top of the cliffs i could see all the trees and huts below...it was amazing!

These kids played at our house the whole week. mama joy said they came to see the mzungu. in the rural areas many people, especially children, have not had much contact with foreigners...and very limited, if any, contact with whites. in the first picture the kids are playing in the family's wheel barrow...not a metal one like we use in the states but one made out of tree branches.

Mama Joy and her daughter preparing meat in the kitchen...im not sure what that is but i think its goat. the floors are dirt so they set the food on banana leaves to keep it from getting dirty. there's no such thing here as trimming the fat off of meat...you just cut it up and put it in the pot. And our kitchen...the mud fire stove where all the food is prepared.

my house at my rural homestay. the main house; kitchen house and boys hut; my room (you can see three of the four walls in the picture...very small); the living room

my host parents for the week, patrick and joy. they are wonderful! i spent most of my week with joy...her name suits her...shes always got a smile on her face and is just precious

i am cherotich

so i spent last week in kapchorwa. it was absolutely incredible. it took a couple hours for the IMME van to manuver around the hilly dirt roads to drop each of us off. we even popped a tire and had to just pray that God would keep us all safe for the rest of the drive. i stayed with a couple named patrick and joy both of whom are teachers in addition to their farm work, growing bananas and coffee. i lived in a little mud house in the middle of the banana plantation, not a city in sight. i cant really explain it but there is a healing property about being in the middle of nature like that. i dont know exactly how to put words to it but i could feel my heart being mended while i was there. i felt so broken and numb and apathetic for the last year but being here has helped restore me to the melody i recognize...or at least something that resembles what i remember. it was great to go for hours and hours without saying any words...just thinking and journaling. one of my favorite things to do was get up early and sit on the cliff, writing in my journal and looking out over the valley...i could hear the birds and the muslim call the prayer echoing from the valley...it was beautiful! i loved just sitting and talking with mama joy. her faith was so every present. she recognized that everything they had was a blessing from God. i asked her one day..."do people in africa ever ask the question 'does God exist'?" and she replied..."well there are some that are curious...but mostly...God exists in africa". wow...i wish that it was so easy in america to have that kind of simple faith. to just believe...no questions. in a way i think it is important to question God and faith... but sometimes i meet people here and i envy the peace they have. meeting with the people there constantly reminded me of the verse "be still and KNOW that I am God". just be still and KNOW...you're never going to totally figure it out...so just be still and know. easier said and done of course. anyway...the church service there was also quite an experience. the only instruemnts were various wood and animaly hide drums and a tambourine. the offering was the thing that struck me the most...in kapchorwa people have very little money and since they dont make any kind of regular profit its difficult to tithe ten percent...so instead people just bring whatever they have...eggs, milk, vegetables etc and the clergy auctions them off during the offering time. all the money then goes to the offering plate. it was great! and i also got to go to the school where mama joy works...there were about 70 students per teacher and they all sat squashed together on long benches behind narrow tables...each student did not have their own desk as they do in the states. neither were there enough books for each student...their only personal school supplies were a small notebook and one pencil. anyway..it was a great experience and the kids loved me bieng there! i walked into the classroom and caused an uproar. ok...well this is long enough so ill stop here. hopefully ill have some time to update you this week.