luweero: way of the cross

While we were in Luweero we participated in the way of the cross...the saturday before Easter all the Christians from Luweero and many from surrounding districts participate in this tradition...actors act out the arrest and crucifixion of Christ. the event starts out at St. Timothy's cathedral with Jesus being arrested...then his persecutors make him carry his cross to His crucifixion...the crowd of Christians follow Jesus and the guards as the walk through the town...mean while one of the local priests is preaching in the back of a pick up with a microphone...reading the easter story and exhorting the local Christians to put aside denominational differences to be unified as the body of Christ.

miss arizona: uganda style

ive been hesitant to pull out my banner since ive been here cuz i dont want it to seem like im just trying to hang out with Ugandan's so that i look like a good pageant girl... but i figured that i needed to have some kind of proof that ive actually been doing something worth while since ive had my title. so while we were in luweero i took a couple pictures. and now everybody jokes that im just here to get pageant points :). so these are some of the kids we hung out with. we visited a center called Jesus Cares. The program, run by a local pastor and his family, provides respite and support for victims of HIV/AIDS. they reach out to many children who have either been orphaned after their parents died of AIDS or have been disowned by they families because they themselves are HIV positive. they also reach out to mothers who are HIV positive or who's children are HIV positive...often and HIV positive mother and her children will be rejected by her family and she will have no way of supporting herself and her children especially if she cannot get medical attention. it was great but overwhelming...

God with us

So I've been debating on what to right about my experience in Luweero with the HIV/AIDS orphans and Father Jerry, a Catholic priest working in Luweero (he works with the youth...20,000 in his parish...many of whom are HIV positive). I'm not sure how to communicate the experience in any other way than to put it in the context of my thoughts on suffering soooooo.....

While I have been in Uganda I have been thinking on the issue of suffering…both the suffering I have seen here and the suffering I see in my home country. What am I to say to a child who is HIV positive? Or to my host sister whose continuous illness frequently interferes with her attempt to complete her education? Or to my friend at home whose father has just died? Or to my friends and family members suffering from depression? “I’m praying for you”? How is that of any help? Where exactly is God in the midst of suffering?

In a world full of suffering the ever present question is, “What is God’s response to suffering?” Suffering is part of what defines our lives as members of the human race. It is inescapable, unavoidable and inevitable. It is constantly present, threatening to rob us of comfort and security. In the lives of some it is constantly lurking over their shoulder, rearing its head from time to time; for others it is more fully manifested on a continual basis. As we try to avoid it and see it feeding on those around us we ask, “Why doesn’t God do anything? Why doesn’t He intervene?”

I myself am prompted to ask this question as I have come to realize that God is not regularly in the habit of miraculously alleviating suffering…more often than not He allows it to run its course. Hoe does not eradicate poverty, spare us from death or eliminate our daily struggles however light or heavy they may be. We cry out for relief and He remains silent. Where is God in all of this? Christianity claims a loving God, a benevolent God, a God of abundance, a God who “ha [s] come that [we] may have life and have it abundantly”…certainly it is not His original intention that we suffer. By our innate sense that suffering is indicative of something wrong, something amiss we are keenly aware that suffering must be something other than the intended ideal.

In John V. Taylor’s Primal Vision he includes a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

What is God? Not in the first instance a general belief in God, in God’s omnipotence etc. This is no genuine experience of God but a bit of extended world. Encounter with Jesus Christ. Experience that here we have a reversal of all human being, in the fact that Jesus exists only for other people! The existence-for-other-people of Jesus is the experience of transcendence! Omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence, spring from the freedom from oneself, from existence for others unto death…Our relationship to God is not a ‘religious’ one to the highest, most powerful best being conceivable- that is not transcendence but our relationship to God is a new life in ‘existence for others’, in participation in the being of Jesus. (Taylor, 58)

Christ transcended humanness…He was perfectly selfless. This is the character we should imitate. Maybe God’s response to suffering is our transcendence of selfishness through the transformational work of Christ in our lives. For Christ not only lived as a human, submitting Himself fully to a fallen world, but He also died at the hands of a fallen world. He may not alleviate suffering but He cannot be held morally responsible for something He subjected Himself to. He is present in suffering. He submitted himself to suffering but also met the needs of the suffering; we must follow in His footsteps. Our God is the “God who has been eternally committed to, and involved in, the closed circle, even to the limit of self-extinction” (Taylor, 59). Perhaps then, God’s response to suffering is that people would experience His love through the selfless servanthood of His church. As the Body reflects their new life in Christ, Christ in them, through solidarity with the suffering, those in suffering would catch a glimpse of what Christ did for them.

If God’s response to suffering is our transcendence of self as we imitate Christ then it is in such servanthood that we discover God. Not only do we reveal God to the suffering through obedient servanthood, we ourselves discover more of His authentic character in so doing. It may be as Nouwen says, “Becoming a servant is not an exception to Godhood. Self-emptying and humiliation are not a step away from God’s true nature. Becoming as we are and dying on a cross is not a temporary interruption of God’s own divine existence. Rather, in the emptied and humbled Christ we encounter God, we see who God really is. We come to know true divinity” (Nouwen, 25). If He is in His very nature a servant, eternally committed and bound to humanity, then we will catch a glimpse of Him through solidarity with and servanthood to the suffering.

Of course, in the end this is only conjecture; just a theory like every other philosophical, theological explanation of God. It is simply my attempt to rationalize God…to wrap my mind around an incomprehensible being that I cannot fully understand…my attempt to make Him into something that will help me sleep at night.

more questions

so this is my question of the week:

did Christ really experience full solidarity with us in the incarnation if He never experienced guilt? He can be in solidarity with us in other kinds of suffering because He experienced such things but what about sufferings brought on by our own sins? is He present with us in that kind of suffering?

my answer to my own question:
maybe, while He himself did not suffer from self inflicted guilt, on the cross, as He bore the complete burden of humanity's sin and was abandoned by the Father because of it, he experienced a form of guilt. true, it was not his own guilt but maybe because He was bearing our sin and its consequences he felt something of what we feel. still i wonder if He could feel guilt to its fullest extent.

and:
in light of a recent tragedy i have been wondering if Christ can be in complete solidarity with us in grieving death. part of why death is so disturbing to us is because we cannot understand it...it remains very uncertain and unknown. we have faith that something better comes after our earthly life but we cant be certain what that is. did Christ experience this kind of suffering? does He know what it feels like to feel at such a loss regarding death? im not sure that He could because death was not unknown to Him...He fully understood what happens after death so He could not be as burdened by it as we are.

what do you all think about this stuff? where is God in the middle of stuff like this? can he be present in such circumstances with us if He has never experienced those kinds of things? or has He?

coming soon:

ill post some more pictures hopefully tomorrow and i have a good idea for my next blog that i want to post and get y'alls thoughts on. im hoping ill have time to journal about it tonight and post it tomorrow. have any of you read the book compassion by henri nowen and some other guys? its AMAZING! its not very long...im telling you...if you have time read it. ok...gotta get home! talk to you soon :)

with the HIV/AIDS orphans

Maris and todd...both of them are great...deep thinkers and challenge me a LOT; ashley...love this girl, shes amazing...very smart and believes in doing rather than just speaking; erin...always has a smile on her face and has such a sweet spirit; kyle...this guy is gonna be a great youth pastor...such a passion for the things of God

so Jack and Ema are staying with us again...Ema was supposed to start school this year so im not sure what happened. anyway...they love to have their pictures taken. jack is my little buddy...everyday when i come home from school he wants me to carry him around. he comes and sits on my lap while i do homework. i love it!

derek washington

yesterday i met a man named derek washinton. he was invited by our missions professor to speak to our class about the ministry he is involved in. he works for an organization called barnabas international that provides care for missionaries in the field. employees fly around the world to provide couseling and pastoral care to missionary families who have undergone severe crises while in the field or to families that are floundering and on the edge of falling apart due to the difficulties of missionary life. they also try to stop fires before they start by educating missionaries on how to deal with the stresses they encounter. their ministry is crucial because the strains of missionary life often take disastrous tolls on marriages and on the family unit as well as on people individually.

for those of you who go to crossroads and have been to arkansas you will know brother pauls friend allan childress...well derek reminded me of him. a very simple man but with an incredible insight into the heart of God who uses his music, simple songs, to commune with God and to give others a glimpse into His heart. for some reason when he was talking i was reminded of my passion for missions work. recently ive been doubting and questioning everything...questioning Christianity and my faith and God...so needless to say, all that made me question my calling and my 'heart' for missions. ive been wondering if maybe thats not what im supposed to pursue. but when derek was talking, something in me was revived and the burdern on my heart for missions was restored. he doesnt have a doctorate or a masters in divinity but his theology had more of an impact on me than any logical, historical/critical model of theology has. after class a few of us invited him to the canteen on campus to have smoothies. as we talked he said something about falling in love with God. i laughed and said "what does that MEAN!!!!!" and he said "let me play a song for you". like i said...just a simple song that he wrote (called the maker and the clay) but it captured the meaning of that phrase perfectly. this song made more sense to me than anything ive heard in a long time. this was the first time in about a year or more that anything related to God or Christianity has brought me to tears

Maker with His hands in clay
clay upon the wheel
maker breathing love inside
clay becoming real

love was flowing into clay
understanding too
a will to choose, a heart to lose
Maker gave His heart away

Chorus:
His gift of lovve was in his eyes
there's nothing He would not sacrifice
there was nothing He would not give
so that His love might live
nothing in this world would He withhold

freedom flowing into clay
the freedom now to choose
as Maker woos the clay He made
how will His lover choose?

life was flowing into clay
desire flowing too
but lovers played and choices made
broke Maker's heart in two

in the midst of Maker's sorrow
leaving all His pride behind
He took Him the feet of clay
His lover He would find

so taking on love's mantle
He washed her feet of clay
laying down His life for her
He gave His life away

clay's heart was melting
she saw what He had done
Maker had died for her
though now her heart He'd won

how could she tell Him
now her heart He'd saved
how could she know that he would
rise up from the grave

Maker with His heat in clay
clay was now made new
the price he paid, her heart to save
His love for her He proved

taking joy in Maker's love
now His pleasure her desire
clay's virtue found, he sond would sound
he passion now a fire

His gift of love was in her eyes
there is nothing she would not sacrifice
there's nothing she would not give
so that His love might live
nothing in this world would she withhold


I've been praying...i would like to say fervently but its really been more like weak and half hearted...that God would show up. that He would not let all this questioning be in vain. that i would find Him somewhere. and i would like to believe that He did yesterday. it gave me a reason to continue seeking Him. derek gave us a cd with his music and a cd that he hasnt totally finished yet...he just records it and then gives it away for free to be a blessing to others. its mostly meant for missionaries as an encouragement...but since ive always had a passion for missions and will probly end up working as one in not too many years and so kind of lump myself into that catagory, the words of his songs spoke powerfully to me. he also video taped each of us...he asked us to introduce ourselves and tell about our majors and our plans for the future what we would like him and his family to pray for. he takes his video camera everywhere and then shows the videos to his family when he goes back home. i was really blunt and just said that ive always felt called to be a missionary but have been questioning that recently because right now i dont know who God is, where He is, what He sounds like, how He speaks or how to find him....but i believe that God is to be found when we seek Him and that this season in my life will serve to strengthen my faith whenever i finally come out of it...please pray. i could see on his face that it pained him to hear how frustrated and empty i felt. for some reason that in itself was some encouragement. i would like to believe that him happening to come from wisconson to uganda for a conference and happening to meet my professor and happening to come speak to our class was not just coincidence...that in some way it was God answering my prayers. i would like to believe that it was God speaking to me yesterday. i want to...and will...call it a blessing. there was so much more that i experienced yesterday but this is long enough already. i just thought id include this in a blog since i havent been writing much lately...ive just felt so empty and apathetic lately that i havent had anything to write...so since this stirred something in me i thought id write it. i cant even explain how encouraging all that was. thanks God :)

me, nicole, brittany and ashley at sipi falls. we stayed at this camp there and hiked to the waterfall.

my host sister pounding peanuts to make ground nut sauce and me pounding coffee

we ate lots of rice at my rural homestay so my job was pick all of the rocks out of the dry rice before we boiled it. and the other pictures are coffee... it grows wild in kapchorwa...most of the people there live on banana and coffee farms. mama joy and i picked coffee, roasted and pounded it and had fresh coffee that afternoon. and they sent some home with me...its really good!

the old lady and the children sitting on the ground are more neighbors that came to visit me. the young man is employed by patrick and joy to care for their livestock. he and his daughter were precious... she loved her to follow her dad around during the day as he worked

The view was beautiful. of course pictures don't do it justice. standing on the top of the cliffs i could see all the trees and huts below...it was amazing!

These kids played at our house the whole week. mama joy said they came to see the mzungu. in the rural areas many people, especially children, have not had much contact with foreigners...and very limited, if any, contact with whites. in the first picture the kids are playing in the family's wheel barrow...not a metal one like we use in the states but one made out of tree branches.

Mama Joy and her daughter preparing meat in the kitchen...im not sure what that is but i think its goat. the floors are dirt so they set the food on banana leaves to keep it from getting dirty. there's no such thing here as trimming the fat off of meat...you just cut it up and put it in the pot. And our kitchen...the mud fire stove where all the food is prepared.

my house at my rural homestay. the main house; kitchen house and boys hut; my room (you can see three of the four walls in the picture...very small); the living room

my host parents for the week, patrick and joy. they are wonderful! i spent most of my week with joy...her name suits her...shes always got a smile on her face and is just precious

i am cherotich

so i spent last week in kapchorwa. it was absolutely incredible. it took a couple hours for the IMME van to manuver around the hilly dirt roads to drop each of us off. we even popped a tire and had to just pray that God would keep us all safe for the rest of the drive. i stayed with a couple named patrick and joy both of whom are teachers in addition to their farm work, growing bananas and coffee. i lived in a little mud house in the middle of the banana plantation, not a city in sight. i cant really explain it but there is a healing property about being in the middle of nature like that. i dont know exactly how to put words to it but i could feel my heart being mended while i was there. i felt so broken and numb and apathetic for the last year but being here has helped restore me to the melody i recognize...or at least something that resembles what i remember. it was great to go for hours and hours without saying any words...just thinking and journaling. one of my favorite things to do was get up early and sit on the cliff, writing in my journal and looking out over the valley...i could hear the birds and the muslim call the prayer echoing from the valley...it was beautiful! i loved just sitting and talking with mama joy. her faith was so every present. she recognized that everything they had was a blessing from God. i asked her one day..."do people in africa ever ask the question 'does God exist'?" and she replied..."well there are some that are curious...but mostly...God exists in africa". wow...i wish that it was so easy in america to have that kind of simple faith. to just believe...no questions. in a way i think it is important to question God and faith... but sometimes i meet people here and i envy the peace they have. meeting with the people there constantly reminded me of the verse "be still and KNOW that I am God". just be still and KNOW...you're never going to totally figure it out...so just be still and know. easier said and done of course. anyway...the church service there was also quite an experience. the only instruemnts were various wood and animaly hide drums and a tambourine. the offering was the thing that struck me the most...in kapchorwa people have very little money and since they dont make any kind of regular profit its difficult to tithe ten percent...so instead people just bring whatever they have...eggs, milk, vegetables etc and the clergy auctions them off during the offering time. all the money then goes to the offering plate. it was great! and i also got to go to the school where mama joy works...there were about 70 students per teacher and they all sat squashed together on long benches behind narrow tables...each student did not have their own desk as they do in the states. neither were there enough books for each student...their only personal school supplies were a small notebook and one pencil. anyway..it was a great experience and the kids loved me bieng there! i walked into the classroom and caused an uproar. ok...well this is long enough so ill stop here. hopefully ill have some time to update you this week.

protect the girl child

so im leaving for my rural homestay today and ill be gone for ten days...figured you all might want something to read between now and then since i wont have internet access during that time and wont be able to post anything.

the other day one of the USP girls was with her host sister and saw a sign that said "protect the girl child". she asked her sister what it meant and her sister proceeded to explain: apparently it is common thought here in africa that girls have difficulty with self control and self governance. they are therefore prone to 'forgetting' that they are supposed to remain chaste and will use their sexuality to seduce men in order to manipulate them and get what they want. thus, they must have people in their lives to protect them and to remind them of remaining chatste. i think that this hints that the burden of stopping sexually transmitted diseases is largely placed on women and their learning to control their promiscuity. of course coming from america i, and the other USP students, find this kind of thought outrageous. i am by no means a feminist but i do not believe that women are in any way inferior to men, especially not intellectually.

however, i am encouraged that my host family goes against the grain in regards to this common thought. my host father said that he made a decision when he was very young that he would never abuse his wife. he and edith seem to have a very healthy relationship (although marriage relationships do not look the way they do in the states). ive asked my siblings and cousins if this is true and they confirmed it saying that julius and edith are happily married (it seems rare that the women is content in the relationship). i have great respect for julius because he advocates for women in the community. his family is very progressive in this respect...both of his daughters are just as educated as his sons. he believes that women deserve respect and that they should respect themselves and learn to think for themselves. he feels that education is an important part of this process. educated women are much more independent and have high self esteem...and their status within the community goes up if they are educated. his niece claire was telling me that, as the head master of mukon high school, he strongly supports the girls. he encourages them to respect themselves by dressing modestly and will not tolerate boys "disturbing" girls. his daughters and nieces have clearly benefited from this attitude. judie (my sister), alice (the oldest sister in our family) and stella (my cousin who stays at our house most of the time) are some of the most confident ugandan women i have met. they have goals and dreams of their own and know how to speak their mind. claire told me that she will not marry someone who does not respect her. education of women decreases birth rates by delaying marriage and making women aware of family planning (ie: if you dont have the money to support 7 children....you shouldnt have 7 children!).

my brother brian (he is the oldest son in our family...about 20...very well educated and very much like his father) said that it is not enough to only educate women...men must be educated as well. they must be raised to believe that their women are valuable and deserving of respect. he told me that just because a woman is educated and does not want to have a lot of children, she does not have the authority to make that decision on her own...her husband will make it for her.

i hope that the the influence of men like julius and brian will encourage other men in the community to change their way of thinking. meanwhile, i am glad that there are men like them that will join with the women of uganda as they strive for equality in their communities.

imme rooms...we have this little building with two VERY tiny rooms for us imme kids to hang out in and do our homework since we dont have dorm rooms.

isaac working; me and ema; isaac and ema. i love these kids! they arent staying with us anymore because they had to start school but there dad stopped by yesterday and said he would bring them to visit on weekends.

this is at our house...our 500 chickens...not even kidding. they sell the eggs to pay for school fees and gas for the car. and the other picture is our courtyard...backyard...im not really sure what to call it

can you say squatty potty?

jack, mande (our house boy) and ema. all i know about mande is that he's from the west, he speaks a little luganda and no english but he is literate and hes about my age and his brother is a house boy at our neighbors house. im guessing he ended up as a house boy because his family didnt have money to pay school fees. here house help is kind of like foster care...poorer families will send their children to work for a good, wealthier family. parents can approach a wealthier family and say "i know you are good people and you could care for my child. will you let them work for you?".

pictures of mukon from the balcony of the best meals hotel restaurant. we go to best meals for lunch sometimes. i cant actually take pictures on the street in the city...people get really angry. so this is as close as i could get.

matoke steaming on the stove and matoke before it's been steamed. this is what we eat everyday for lunch and dinner. it takes a lot of work...peal the plantains, wrap in banana leaves, let it steam for a really long time and then mash it all up.